Wednesday, December 31, 2014

What I Learned About Myself in 2014

Yes, it's a New Year's Eve post. But don't worry, I plan to keep it brief and non-preachy. This is a simple list of the things I learned about myself as a human being during the illustrious year of our Lord, 2014.

  1. I can be pretty selfish. When examining some of my motives for some things, I was shocked to see just how self-centered they were. It was sobering, and made me throw myself on Jesus and His grace all the more.
  2. A lot of the time, I am just a scared little girl. I turned eighteen this year, in the eyes of the law I am an adult. The adult world is scary people, very scary. It made me realize even more just how vulnerable I am and just how dependent I am on God for His protection.
  3. I am very insecure in some ways. The competition I feel in my heart to look as "successful" in life as those around me who appear to be going somewhere and doing something. I have held myself to some pretty rigid standards, and have ended up thrusting a lot of extra guilt and drive on myself that wasn't necessary.
  4. I am NOT a patient person. Well, I kinda already knew this one. I have spent my entire life striving for the next adventure, the desire to grow up, the desire to get married, the desire to "start my life". I have missed some of the moments in between that I could have spent actually living, and growing into the person I needed to be to be ready for those adventures. It's a work in progress folks, I'll keep you posted.

Those are a few of the more unpleasant things I learned about myself this year. Now here is a list of the some of the really amazing things I learned about this year.

  1. I'm comfortable in my own skin. Though I have many deep insecurities, I have come so far in some areas, such as my appearance and the way I carry myself. I don't have to agonize over every tiny detail of my appearance, who will be present, what I should and shouldn't say. No, I can just look like, and act like who I really am. And I am ok with that.
  2. I really care about people and desire to know their story. Family, friends, strangers, young, old: people are precious. I often sit in the car when we are driving places and stare out of the window at all of the hundreds of other cars passing by. Each one contains a person with their own story, history, scars, and potential. They live somewhere, work somewhere, and maybe have a family. We as people are created in the image of God, and we are beautiful.
  3. God has given me a gift with words. Whether I am speaking, or writing, words are something that flow from me very naturally. Not everything I say is beautiful, and I can get a bit long-winded sometimes, but no matter what I do in life, I will be using words.
  4. I love to dance. This is partnered with being comfortable in my own skin. I used to take myself too seriously to just pause and break out into a dance party. No longer! I am free! Besides, pausing a moment and dancing, whether it's to Bing Crosby, Celtic Women, or Group 1 Crew, dancing is a way that I show my gratitude to God for being alive to enjoy the moment.
Well, that's a tiny peek into what I learned about myself this year. Hope you all have a lovely and safe New Year! Bring it on 2015!